As I sit pondering some recent things I have read and seen, it has caused my mind to really become contemplative as to what shapes a person's view of themselves. It is disheartening to say the least, how poorly people view themselves. I have heard some of the most beautiful people in the world pick themselves apart as though they were a scientific experiment gone wrong.
When I listen to the berating and degrading things that these people say about themselves, I have to raise the question "what kind of mirror are they looking in?" They must be looking in a mirror that distorts their view like a funhouse mirror. The real issue is that they aren't looking at themselves objectively, it's subjectively. At some time in their lives someone told them that they weren't handsome, or beautiful, or they were too fat, or too skinny or just not good enough period.
The bad part is they believed the lie. It probably was in their early childhood when your self esteem is at its most vulnerable that the foundation for the poor self image was laid. Words are powerful and they can build you up or tear you down depending on how they are used. At one point in my own life I had the same struggle of believing someone else's opinion of me instead of the truth. I had to break free of the shackles of low self esteem and low self worth. When I fell in love with me, all of me my life truly changed.
I have never been a part of the skinny girls club so being the one that was always in the spotlight or the one that boys would love to date wasn't my story. I was the brainiac, pleasing plump girl that all the boys wanted to cheat off of my papers but never date. Fast forward several years and I am still the brainiac voluptuous woman that men can't figure out and want terribly to be in my presence. The difference now is that I don't desire to be a part of the skinny girls club like I did for several years of my life in my youth. I am now a threat to the skinny girls because I have self esteem that is as massive as the galaxy. Self love permeates from my inside out.
I am not conceited, however I am convinced that I am fearfull and wonderfully made in the image of my creator. That I am truly accepted in the beloved and no person on earth can make be feel like I am less than what I know I am. My heart's desire is to pass the lesson of self acceptance on to others. Poor self image doesn't discriminate it affects the celebrity and the unknown alike. Someone that has truly grasped the lesson of accepting the image that she sees in the mirror is the actress Gabourey Siddibe that has a starring role in the movie "Precious." I haven't seen the movie yet, but I have had the opportunity to see her in several interviews. This full-figured young woman is truly a breath of fresh air.
She hasn't allowed what the world defines as beauty to define her. She is well aware of her rotund size, but nevertheless that hasn't caused her to hate or loathe herself. I recently had the opportunity to see her in an interview with Oprah Winfrey and when Ms. Winfrey posed the weight question to her the response she gave spoke volumes. Gabby as she is affectionately called, said she had struggled with her weight all of her life and that she had been dieting since as early as age 6 and at one point one day in her early twenties she just decided to be happy with herself. When you see her you see the reflection of positive enery radiating from her being. She keeps a smile on her face and youthfulness in her heart. I truly hope she keeps that part of her.
So my desire is that all that still have the scars of ridicule or verbal and mental abuse would find a place of wholeness and acceptance for themselves that would allow them to look in the mirror and see the truly beautiful person that they are.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Groomed for Greatness
Our experiences in this life will ultimately lead to our successes or our failures. The person you are today is a culmination of all the things you have gone through in life whether good or bad. The wonderful thing about it is that you can use both sides of your coin to be the fuel for your achievements. My pastor always tells us, "It's not how you start, it's how you finish." I believe that.
Most successful people grew up in the most deplorable and depraved circumstances, but they found the wherewithal to tell themselves that they were going to be something someday. Even though they didn't have anyone to do it for them, they were internally grooming themselves for greatness. I find it fascinating when people can still have the tenacity to overcome their circumstances against all odds. Where do they find this drive? Surely what they see outside their window isn't reflective of an affluent lifestyle.
They found the drive in themselves. They were their own cheerleader. They were their own fan club. In a lot of us if we look back the thread of survival is in our forefathers. I personally had a grandfather that barely had an elementary school education. He was an elder brother and when his father died, he had to assume the role of provider along with his other siblings. He picked cotton, and whatever else he had to do to keep food on the table. Once he became old enough he went to work for the railroad as a Pullman porter and later to Western Electric. With each job he took he strove to get further in life than he was before.
He stressed the importance of education and hard work. Even with his limited education he was a shrewd business man. What he didn't possess in formal education, he possessed in wisdom. Wisdom is more important than all the college degrees in the world. One of the life lessons that I continually attempt to implement in my life is being a person of my word. My grandfather said at the end of the day even if you don't have any money you should have your word, and it should mean something. He grew up during the Great Depression, World War I & II, so he knew what lean times were like. Many times all you had to eat with was your word. Your word that you would pay your tab at the general store. He is no longer here, but little did he know he was weaving a thread of greatness in our family.
The thread was deeper than I thought. I come from a lineage of great men and women. My great great grandparents and great grandparents were grooming their children for greatness. Every night that the house servants snuck books to the field servants they were empowering themselves and our later generations for greatness. My family is a strong one. They held a lot of pride. I don't know many of them that weren't in business for themselves. I have an 89 year old great aunt that is still in business for her self. She still goes to work everyday. It is at her feet that I am learning the extent to which our family was groomed and the rich heritage I come from.
It makes sense to me now why my mother was the way that she was with me. She really didn't have a choice. She was born into the Hammond's lineage and she must govern herself accordingly to not tarnish the legacy and not have our ancestors turning over in their graves for the way we conduct ourselves. Even though every one's story isn't my own we as a people have to take time to groom our children for greatness. Expose them to things beyond their front door. The world isn't our neighborhoods. It is far more vast than that. Take your children to expensive restaurants so they will learn how to conduct themselves in that type of environment. Take yourself if you have never been to an upscale restaurant. Experience a symphony, an opera, a Japanese tea house, etc.
In order to be able to interact in certain social circles you have to be groomed for them. The world is an awesome place to behold. Broaden your mind and allow yourself to be groomed for greatness.
Most successful people grew up in the most deplorable and depraved circumstances, but they found the wherewithal to tell themselves that they were going to be something someday. Even though they didn't have anyone to do it for them, they were internally grooming themselves for greatness. I find it fascinating when people can still have the tenacity to overcome their circumstances against all odds. Where do they find this drive? Surely what they see outside their window isn't reflective of an affluent lifestyle.
They found the drive in themselves. They were their own cheerleader. They were their own fan club. In a lot of us if we look back the thread of survival is in our forefathers. I personally had a grandfather that barely had an elementary school education. He was an elder brother and when his father died, he had to assume the role of provider along with his other siblings. He picked cotton, and whatever else he had to do to keep food on the table. Once he became old enough he went to work for the railroad as a Pullman porter and later to Western Electric. With each job he took he strove to get further in life than he was before.
He stressed the importance of education and hard work. Even with his limited education he was a shrewd business man. What he didn't possess in formal education, he possessed in wisdom. Wisdom is more important than all the college degrees in the world. One of the life lessons that I continually attempt to implement in my life is being a person of my word. My grandfather said at the end of the day even if you don't have any money you should have your word, and it should mean something. He grew up during the Great Depression, World War I & II, so he knew what lean times were like. Many times all you had to eat with was your word. Your word that you would pay your tab at the general store. He is no longer here, but little did he know he was weaving a thread of greatness in our family.
The thread was deeper than I thought. I come from a lineage of great men and women. My great great grandparents and great grandparents were grooming their children for greatness. Every night that the house servants snuck books to the field servants they were empowering themselves and our later generations for greatness. My family is a strong one. They held a lot of pride. I don't know many of them that weren't in business for themselves. I have an 89 year old great aunt that is still in business for her self. She still goes to work everyday. It is at her feet that I am learning the extent to which our family was groomed and the rich heritage I come from.
It makes sense to me now why my mother was the way that she was with me. She really didn't have a choice. She was born into the Hammond's lineage and she must govern herself accordingly to not tarnish the legacy and not have our ancestors turning over in their graves for the way we conduct ourselves. Even though every one's story isn't my own we as a people have to take time to groom our children for greatness. Expose them to things beyond their front door. The world isn't our neighborhoods. It is far more vast than that. Take your children to expensive restaurants so they will learn how to conduct themselves in that type of environment. Take yourself if you have never been to an upscale restaurant. Experience a symphony, an opera, a Japanese tea house, etc.
In order to be able to interact in certain social circles you have to be groomed for them. The world is an awesome place to behold. Broaden your mind and allow yourself to be groomed for greatness.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Out of the Abundance of the Heart the Mouth Speaks
Well, as you can tell by now my blogs deal with emotions and interactions with other people. I am a firm believer that whatever is in your heart will eventually find it's way out of your mouth. In some regards, that could be a good thing. I think people need to learn to be more expressive. In an age of text messages, emails, and tweets I believe the art of conversation is slowly falling by the wayside.
Individuals would rather text or email as opposed to having a real conversation. I am sorry I don't think texting is a real conversation. How can you hear the emotion in some one's voice if you don't hear their voice? The deplorable truth is that some people carry on relationships this way. I don't know about anyone else, but I prefer to hear the baritone in my sweetheart's voice. It's calming. It's soothing. It is the music that tames the savage beast within me.
I know I am part of a dying breed. I still send thank you cards for gifts. I write notes and give special cards to the ones that I love. How did we as a people become so emotionally detached? When did this disease of emotional separatism creep in? I am personally going to continue to make time to have a real conversation. A real conversation for me is intoxicating. It is exhilarating. It does something to me to have a poignant conversation.
Moreover what I have resolved for myself this year is to mean what I say and say what I mean. However I may be feeling I am going to express it. I am not going to be offensive, however I will be intentional in what I say. How many times have we said to ourselves "I wish I would have told them...." whatever you neglected to say. I am attempting to live a life of no regrets and that means paying homage to those that it is due or scolding those that may be deserving of that as well. Whatever that case may be if it is in your heart it should come out. Don't hold on to it. You will feel ten thousand times lighter when you release something that you have been holding on to.
I feel so much better having released some emotional baggage that I carried around toward a family member and a friend. Now the burden is off my shoulder. Whatever they decide to do with the knowledge is now their responsibility. It is off my hands. My mind is clear and my heart is clean.
Individuals would rather text or email as opposed to having a real conversation. I am sorry I don't think texting is a real conversation. How can you hear the emotion in some one's voice if you don't hear their voice? The deplorable truth is that some people carry on relationships this way. I don't know about anyone else, but I prefer to hear the baritone in my sweetheart's voice. It's calming. It's soothing. It is the music that tames the savage beast within me.
I know I am part of a dying breed. I still send thank you cards for gifts. I write notes and give special cards to the ones that I love. How did we as a people become so emotionally detached? When did this disease of emotional separatism creep in? I am personally going to continue to make time to have a real conversation. A real conversation for me is intoxicating. It is exhilarating. It does something to me to have a poignant conversation.
Moreover what I have resolved for myself this year is to mean what I say and say what I mean. However I may be feeling I am going to express it. I am not going to be offensive, however I will be intentional in what I say. How many times have we said to ourselves "I wish I would have told them...." whatever you neglected to say. I am attempting to live a life of no regrets and that means paying homage to those that it is due or scolding those that may be deserving of that as well. Whatever that case may be if it is in your heart it should come out. Don't hold on to it. You will feel ten thousand times lighter when you release something that you have been holding on to.
I feel so much better having released some emotional baggage that I carried around toward a family member and a friend. Now the burden is off my shoulder. Whatever they decide to do with the knowledge is now their responsibility. It is off my hands. My mind is clear and my heart is clean.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
My Self Worth Is Not For Sale
As I sit at my computer, I am constantly thinking back over conversations I have had with women of various ages, and it infuriates me some of the things they have experienced while dealing with the men in their lives.
The resounding thread that binds all of my interactions is that the men don't value them or they feel that the men don't really understand their worth. The question I constantly asked all of these women is, "Do you know your worth?" You see you can't expect someone to treat you in a way that you don't believe you are deserving of yourself. They want to be treated like queens but don't set the standard for that type of treatment.
You can't behave like a commoner and expect royal treatment. What I mean by that statement is that you can't ever demean yourself or compromise for the sake of companionship and expect to still be held in a high regard. I have been told by some men that I think too highly of myself. I disagree, what I am hearing those men say is that they aren't willing to do what it takes to have me. You see I am as valuable as the rarest gem you could ever find, so you will not treat me like cheap or costume jewelry.
It is apalling to see how many women will allow men to demean and degrade them just to say they have a man. I would rather die alone before I would allow any man to mistreat me or not recognize the good thing that he has in his life. I don't believe it is being arrogant or conceited. I believe it is exuding a positive self image and knowing my worth. It is time out for women settling. They need to hold men accountable for how they interact with them. If they don't like the treatment, move on to the next guy.
Men would want women to believe there is a shortage on good men. I beg to differ. I believe that women need to broaden their mind and definition of what a good man is. I personally am not opposed to dating a man from another culture. I have tried my own. I have not been successful, so now it is time to possibly venture into unknown territory. Love knows no boundaries or limits. I am now open to truly living a limitless life.
The resounding thread that binds all of my interactions is that the men don't value them or they feel that the men don't really understand their worth. The question I constantly asked all of these women is, "Do you know your worth?" You see you can't expect someone to treat you in a way that you don't believe you are deserving of yourself. They want to be treated like queens but don't set the standard for that type of treatment.
You can't behave like a commoner and expect royal treatment. What I mean by that statement is that you can't ever demean yourself or compromise for the sake of companionship and expect to still be held in a high regard. I have been told by some men that I think too highly of myself. I disagree, what I am hearing those men say is that they aren't willing to do what it takes to have me. You see I am as valuable as the rarest gem you could ever find, so you will not treat me like cheap or costume jewelry.
It is apalling to see how many women will allow men to demean and degrade them just to say they have a man. I would rather die alone before I would allow any man to mistreat me or not recognize the good thing that he has in his life. I don't believe it is being arrogant or conceited. I believe it is exuding a positive self image and knowing my worth. It is time out for women settling. They need to hold men accountable for how they interact with them. If they don't like the treatment, move on to the next guy.
Men would want women to believe there is a shortage on good men. I beg to differ. I believe that women need to broaden their mind and definition of what a good man is. I personally am not opposed to dating a man from another culture. I have tried my own. I have not been successful, so now it is time to possibly venture into unknown territory. Love knows no boundaries or limits. I am now open to truly living a limitless life.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Love Isn't Love Until You Give It Away
Love: a passionate affection of one person for another. As I look around, it appears that people aren't as loving as they should be. What happened to the love for our fellow man? I believe I am a genuinely loving person. I don't think I have ever met a stranger. I had the pleasure of meeting a friend's family for the first time and their reception of me was surprising. They responded to me and interacted with me as though we had known each other all of our lives. Did they do this because they could feel the love in my heart or was it just me being me? I try to always be as open to new people as possible, but they don't always receive me the same.
I believe that love isn't truly love until it is given away. The funny thing about the word love is that it is both a noun and a verb. It is a thing and an action. It is something to possess as well as give away. You can be a loving person, but how will anyone know unless you demonstrate it. I heard in the news today that Eunice Kennedy Shriver had passed away and instantly I began to remember all the things that I had heard that she had done in her life.
She lived a life constantly demonstrating love. In one news article I read that she had worked for the Department of Defense for a dollar assisting veterans reiterate themselves into society after serving in combat and that she was the founder of the Special Olympics after seeing the mistreatment of disabled individuals. I never knew any of this. She did numerous other loving things in her life, but the few that I read showed how she made it a point to give her love away. At the end of the day money may dwindle, possessions may be destroyed but love never goes away.
When I look into the face of children I am constantly reminded of how unconditional love should be. They just love. No questions asked. They don't care about credentials or accomplishments they just love you. They don't care about skin color, religion, weight, or the other stipulations adults put on each other they just love you for who you are. I met the sweetest, friendliest little girl while visiting a friend the other day. When I stepped out of my car she immediately came up to me and started a conversation. She couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 years old, and had the sweetest personality you ever wanted to see. One thing that came to mind is that hate is taught. You see she was of a different race than myself, but she didn't care about that, she saw someone that she wanted to introduce herself to and she did just that.
What I realized from that little girl is to never stop giving my love away. No matter how mistreated I have been by some it hasn't been by all. Each person deserves their own opportunity to receive the wonderful gift of love that I can share. Love is a beautiful thing to have. It is invigorating. It is exhilarating. It puts a bounce in your stride. It makes your heart sing a new melody. It broadens your smile. One thing that I thank God for everyday is having people in my life that genuinely love me. If I don't have a dime in my pocket or they are overflowing. When I am a diva or look like I have been hit by a bus, they love me. They encourage me and stand by me.
It is a precious treasure to have someone love you. To love you with an unconditional love. No strings attached and no prerequisites.
I believe that love isn't truly love until it is given away. The funny thing about the word love is that it is both a noun and a verb. It is a thing and an action. It is something to possess as well as give away. You can be a loving person, but how will anyone know unless you demonstrate it. I heard in the news today that Eunice Kennedy Shriver had passed away and instantly I began to remember all the things that I had heard that she had done in her life.
She lived a life constantly demonstrating love. In one news article I read that she had worked for the Department of Defense for a dollar assisting veterans reiterate themselves into society after serving in combat and that she was the founder of the Special Olympics after seeing the mistreatment of disabled individuals. I never knew any of this. She did numerous other loving things in her life, but the few that I read showed how she made it a point to give her love away. At the end of the day money may dwindle, possessions may be destroyed but love never goes away.
When I look into the face of children I am constantly reminded of how unconditional love should be. They just love. No questions asked. They don't care about credentials or accomplishments they just love you. They don't care about skin color, religion, weight, or the other stipulations adults put on each other they just love you for who you are. I met the sweetest, friendliest little girl while visiting a friend the other day. When I stepped out of my car she immediately came up to me and started a conversation. She couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 years old, and had the sweetest personality you ever wanted to see. One thing that came to mind is that hate is taught. You see she was of a different race than myself, but she didn't care about that, she saw someone that she wanted to introduce herself to and she did just that.
What I realized from that little girl is to never stop giving my love away. No matter how mistreated I have been by some it hasn't been by all. Each person deserves their own opportunity to receive the wonderful gift of love that I can share. Love is a beautiful thing to have. It is invigorating. It is exhilarating. It puts a bounce in your stride. It makes your heart sing a new melody. It broadens your smile. One thing that I thank God for everyday is having people in my life that genuinely love me. If I don't have a dime in my pocket or they are overflowing. When I am a diva or look like I have been hit by a bus, they love me. They encourage me and stand by me.
It is a precious treasure to have someone love you. To love you with an unconditional love. No strings attached and no prerequisites.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
When You Die What Will Men Say About You
As of late I have really been contemplating what my legacy will be once I crossover to my heavenly state. I am not planning on dying anytime soon, but creating a worthy legacy is still on my mind. What really propelled my thoughts to the future was a song by Kirk Franklin on his "Hero" CD. The title of the song is "The Appeal". The strongest verse in the song says: "When I die what men will say about me. Will the work that I've done be enough to help someone? When I die, will I draw men's hearts to you? At the setting of the sun will I hear you say well done when I die?
That is prolific to me. What I am hearing it say is what affect will you have had on your fellow man? Will you have truly lived or just existed? At the celebration of your life will men have to lie about who you were, or will their hearts overflow with the good that you have sown? Was your heart and hands always open to give from what you were blessed with or were you selfish instead of selfless? Will your life be a living epistle openly read of all men? Is what they are reading leading them closer to Christ or away from him? Will Christ be pleased with what you did with your life when you stand before him in judgment?
Wow, that is heavy. I don't know about anyone else but I try to always live a life pleasing to him. One that shows my gratitude for him dying and rising for me. For him loving me when I didn't love myself nor him. A life that is reciprocal of our friendship, our relationship, our marriage. Christ is married to the church. I am proudly a part of that church. My goal in life is to lead others to be a part as well. I believe if I were to die and go to glory that I have left an impact for good. I have fed the hungry. Clothed the naked. Ministered to the broken hearted. Shared the love of Christ that is shed abroad in my heart.
I haven't finished my course because I am still running my race, however I feel that I am well on my way to hearing "Well done my good and faithful servant".
That is prolific to me. What I am hearing it say is what affect will you have had on your fellow man? Will you have truly lived or just existed? At the celebration of your life will men have to lie about who you were, or will their hearts overflow with the good that you have sown? Was your heart and hands always open to give from what you were blessed with or were you selfish instead of selfless? Will your life be a living epistle openly read of all men? Is what they are reading leading them closer to Christ or away from him? Will Christ be pleased with what you did with your life when you stand before him in judgment?
Wow, that is heavy. I don't know about anyone else but I try to always live a life pleasing to him. One that shows my gratitude for him dying and rising for me. For him loving me when I didn't love myself nor him. A life that is reciprocal of our friendship, our relationship, our marriage. Christ is married to the church. I am proudly a part of that church. My goal in life is to lead others to be a part as well. I believe if I were to die and go to glory that I have left an impact for good. I have fed the hungry. Clothed the naked. Ministered to the broken hearted. Shared the love of Christ that is shed abroad in my heart.
I haven't finished my course because I am still running my race, however I feel that I am well on my way to hearing "Well done my good and faithful servant".
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Don't Let Anyone Kill Your Dream
It is amazing how heated a conversation can get when you start discussing dreams and goals for your life. What I mean is, I was having a discussion today with an old boyfirend about what I want to accomplish in my life now and in the future. When I started sharing some of the deepest desires of my heart he instantly became critical. He wanted to make it a point to remind me of the things that I don't currently possess or the resources he assumed I couldn't obtain.
I really didn't get angry with him. I felt bad for him honestly. The reason I felt bad for him is because he obviously never mastered the art of imagination as a child. I have. I have a vivid imagination. I dream in color, not black and white. I strongly believe in the biblical verse Habakkuk 2:2-3 "Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that it may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it will speak and not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it because it will surely come. It will not tarry." NJKV
I have written alot of dreams and visions on the tablets of my heart and I refuse to allow any man or woman to kill them no matter how outlandish they may seem to them. Sometime you have to risk looking foolish for your dream. I guarantee once the dream comes to fruition, that same naysayer will be in total amazement. Seeing your dreams through requires a certain level of tenacity. They definitely require alot of faith, perserverance and patience. This gentleman really made me stop and think of how much more guarded over my dreams and visions I have to become.
I have some gigantic dreams that will definitely take some divine intervention to accomplish them. I am up for the task though. I believe I was equipped for them before I entered the earth realm. I personally believe that God selects certain people to accomplish the great feats that they do. I don't think anyone but Martin Luther King Jr. could have better lead The Civil Rights Movement, nor could anyone other than Mahatma Ghandi have made the changes he did in India. Think of Mother Teresa, Rosa Parks, Joan of Arc, Martin Luther, and countless others. They were given a dream that was far larger than their being, but it was accomplished.
The main thing I am going to resolve in my heart is be careful who you share your dreams with. Everyone isn't ready to embrace my contribution to the world or don't even believe that I will make that huge of an imprint. I can guarantee that I will make an indelible mark that can't be erased. The more I embrace God's purpose for my life I know I was called to do great things for my fellow man.
I really didn't get angry with him. I felt bad for him honestly. The reason I felt bad for him is because he obviously never mastered the art of imagination as a child. I have. I have a vivid imagination. I dream in color, not black and white. I strongly believe in the biblical verse Habakkuk 2:2-3 "Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that it may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it will speak and not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it because it will surely come. It will not tarry." NJKV
I have written alot of dreams and visions on the tablets of my heart and I refuse to allow any man or woman to kill them no matter how outlandish they may seem to them. Sometime you have to risk looking foolish for your dream. I guarantee once the dream comes to fruition, that same naysayer will be in total amazement. Seeing your dreams through requires a certain level of tenacity. They definitely require alot of faith, perserverance and patience. This gentleman really made me stop and think of how much more guarded over my dreams and visions I have to become.
I have some gigantic dreams that will definitely take some divine intervention to accomplish them. I am up for the task though. I believe I was equipped for them before I entered the earth realm. I personally believe that God selects certain people to accomplish the great feats that they do. I don't think anyone but Martin Luther King Jr. could have better lead The Civil Rights Movement, nor could anyone other than Mahatma Ghandi have made the changes he did in India. Think of Mother Teresa, Rosa Parks, Joan of Arc, Martin Luther, and countless others. They were given a dream that was far larger than their being, but it was accomplished.
The main thing I am going to resolve in my heart is be careful who you share your dreams with. Everyone isn't ready to embrace my contribution to the world or don't even believe that I will make that huge of an imprint. I can guarantee that I will make an indelible mark that can't be erased. The more I embrace God's purpose for my life I know I was called to do great things for my fellow man.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Being Grateful For the Small Things
The more I live the more I reflect on the lessons my mother taught me as a child. What I mean is that when I was a child my mother taught me the true art of benevolence. My mother never met a stranger, and no living thing was ever in her presence hungry.
I recall when I was in the first grade it was around the time the famine in Africa became a world wide concern. It also concerned me. I came home one day and in my childlike way I was going to save the hungry children in Africa. I emptied out our pantry and was going to take everything I could to school the next day. What I really love my mother for, was that she didn't scold me or discourage me from giving, she just helped me understand that if I gave away all that we had then we too would be hungry.
That is when I found out that I truly had a heart for other people. I would want to give away all my clothes to children that were ragged or dirty or just seemed to not have as much as I had. You see I was truly fortunate. My mother was a single parent, but God always took great care of our family. I wore the best clothes. We ate the best food. My mother drove the finest cars. I never knew the sting of poverty. If we had any lean times I never knew because my mother never missed a beat.
As I look around now and I see numerous people losing their jobs, homes, and their minds I have to be grateful. I empathize for those that are feeling the affect of the economy, however in the same breath I have to express my gratitude. You see just when I thought my situation was bad I had to walk a mile in the shoes of my brothers and sisters that the worst is happening to. We all could stand to do the same. I am such a tenderhearted person to the plight of the poor that I can't drive down the street and see a homeless person and not have tears well up in my eyes. I wish I could gather all that I see and put them in a nice house with clean clothes, nourishing food, warm beds, and peace of mind.
I couldn't fathom having to wonder where my next meal was coming from or where I was going to sleep and God forbid not being able to take a bath when I wanted. The ironic thing about my experience volunteering to serve homeless people is that some of them have such a tenacious spirit. They haven't lost their hope that a better day is coming. That is why those of us who have been richly blessed have to keep a spirit of humility and thankfulness. To be honest all it would take for a lot of individuals is to have one catastrophic financial situation happen and they would be homeless as well. What I encourage individuals to do when they get annoyed or disgusted at the sight and smell of a homeless person is to imagine themselves in that same predicament. I guarantee you once you think of how humiliating, stressful, and soul crushing it must be to be homeless you will remember that is a person on the other end of that dollar you are giving away.
I recall when I was in the first grade it was around the time the famine in Africa became a world wide concern. It also concerned me. I came home one day and in my childlike way I was going to save the hungry children in Africa. I emptied out our pantry and was going to take everything I could to school the next day. What I really love my mother for, was that she didn't scold me or discourage me from giving, she just helped me understand that if I gave away all that we had then we too would be hungry.
That is when I found out that I truly had a heart for other people. I would want to give away all my clothes to children that were ragged or dirty or just seemed to not have as much as I had. You see I was truly fortunate. My mother was a single parent, but God always took great care of our family. I wore the best clothes. We ate the best food. My mother drove the finest cars. I never knew the sting of poverty. If we had any lean times I never knew because my mother never missed a beat.
As I look around now and I see numerous people losing their jobs, homes, and their minds I have to be grateful. I empathize for those that are feeling the affect of the economy, however in the same breath I have to express my gratitude. You see just when I thought my situation was bad I had to walk a mile in the shoes of my brothers and sisters that the worst is happening to. We all could stand to do the same. I am such a tenderhearted person to the plight of the poor that I can't drive down the street and see a homeless person and not have tears well up in my eyes. I wish I could gather all that I see and put them in a nice house with clean clothes, nourishing food, warm beds, and peace of mind.
I couldn't fathom having to wonder where my next meal was coming from or where I was going to sleep and God forbid not being able to take a bath when I wanted. The ironic thing about my experience volunteering to serve homeless people is that some of them have such a tenacious spirit. They haven't lost their hope that a better day is coming. That is why those of us who have been richly blessed have to keep a spirit of humility and thankfulness. To be honest all it would take for a lot of individuals is to have one catastrophic financial situation happen and they would be homeless as well. What I encourage individuals to do when they get annoyed or disgusted at the sight and smell of a homeless person is to imagine themselves in that same predicament. I guarantee you once you think of how humiliating, stressful, and soul crushing it must be to be homeless you will remember that is a person on the other end of that dollar you are giving away.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
S.O.S.! The Relationships Between Men and Women Are Drowing and Need Help
I have a looming question that I can’t seem to get answered. Where has the love gone? I am seeing more and more relationships and marriages fail. The reason stated by most of the individuals that I have had contact with for their breaking up, is that they fell out of love with the person. How? What was the deciding factor that told them that they no longer loved the person? I hear people say all the time “we fell out of love”. I personally don’t believe that you fall out of love with people. Love is a choice. I think that you choose to stop loving the person. According to the dictionary the word love is a noun and a verb. Let’s explore the definition of love: n. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person, v. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. The common thread in this definition is passionate. The definition of passionate is expressing, showing, or marked by intense or strong feeling, emotional, and the definition of affection is fond attachment, devotion, or love. So is the real reason the relationships aren’t making it is because the passionate affection no longer exists between the couple? What happened to the staying power of relationships?
I am relatively young, but I remember when men and women devoted themselves to each other at all cost. No matter what, they were going to stick it out; rich or poor, in sickness or in health they were going to be with that person until death. The art of courtship was mastered by our older generation. Maybe we need to try to resurrect that idea. Men and women need to introduce themselves to some old-fashioned values. Get to know the person first before you move to the next level. Ask some interesting questions about the individual and maybe the screening process for potential mates will go a lot smoother if you wean out the undesirables. I know we are in a different time and different mind set, but I think respect should never go out of style. Respect for each other. Respect for where the person is currently and where they come from. Respect for their individuality and uniqueness. Respect for their humanity.
That raises another question for me, can opposites really attract? Can two people that are polar opposites really coincide in harmony with one another? I am relying on some unscientific research as my inspiration for this article. It is purely from my friends and their relational mishaps as well as my own. The one thing that I think really needs to happen is that men and women need to get the understanding that one can’t really and truly exist without the other. It goes against the law of nature. Now don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying that either will die without the other, but what I am saying is that woman was created to enhance the life of man. She was created so that the man wouldn’t be alone relationally. She is the missing link in the puzzle of his life. If this is the case, why aren’t men and women getting along? I will tell you why. They have both lost focus on the richness that the other adds to their life. When men and women are in loving and committed relationships then order has been restored to their lives. When they aren’t walking in harmony with one another they aren’t living their best life.
They aren’t living on the level they should be. Their greatness is untapped. Their contribution to the world is not fulfilled. They hold the key to something far greater than they even realize. Love is a force to be reckoned with. I have had my share of experiences with love. It wasn’t until I truly lost myself for the man that I loved that I believe I really experienced true love. He showed me a side of me that I never knew existed. I lost me for him, but I gained a new me. A better me, a me that I am proud to say that I met. I believe that even though the relationship didn’t last, I will forever be a part of him and he is a part of me. The essence of who I truly am came alive in that relationship. The inner child in me was awakened from her deep slumber. The love I shared with him invigorated me. It was truly an exhilarating time in my life.
I know you are now thinking if things were so wonderful why didn’t it last? Well, all I can say is that on the surface things were wonderful, but I found out later this individual had some deep seeded personal issues that he wouldn’t allow me to help him work through. I feel like love can truly conquer all. I am what you call a hopeful romantic, not hopeless. To be hopeless is to feel that what you desire will never happen or to lose the expectation that it can. I believe that there is a man that will be well deserving of the love that I have to offer and vice versa. I still have hope for the salvation of the relationships between men and women. Despite what a male friend of mine seems to think the ratio of women to men is. I think we need to just get back to the basics men being men and women being women. I mean would a little chivalry and femininity kill any of us? I think not.
I think men like to feel needed, appreciated, admired, and adored. I think women like to take a step back and just be dainty and pretty sometime. The demands of life have weathered a lot of us women. We have to bring home the bacon and cook it too, so sometime the men in our direct realm of influence suffer because they feel like we don’t need them. Trust me when I tell you even the most powerful of women like to feel the masculinity of a man. If it is just the bass in his voice or the strength in his hug it is all desired. Women, men may not ever want to admit this, but they too have a secret longing for you no matter how powerful they seem. The smell of your perfume, the sound of your laughter, the way your hair blows in the wind, they way your dress conforms to your shape these are all things that men sit and talk about when we aren’t around. They talk about other things too like how your legs look in heels or how soft your skin looks, you know normal guy stuff.
I think my deductive reasoning has led me to this conclusion don’t forget what attracted you to the person in the beginning and don’t forget the positive attributes that they possess. I recall a scene in a movie that I saw where the women were despondent about their husbands and their friend advised them to compile a list of all the good and bad qualities of their husbands and if the bad outweigh the good then leave, but if not work it out. That is my advice for men and women. Work it out. Stop leaving at the slightest sign of trouble. It is the testing of the relationship that determines the strength that it has. Now if you don’t have the proper foundation to start it will crumble and no amount of effort will salvage a poorly constructed relationship.
I am relatively young, but I remember when men and women devoted themselves to each other at all cost. No matter what, they were going to stick it out; rich or poor, in sickness or in health they were going to be with that person until death. The art of courtship was mastered by our older generation. Maybe we need to try to resurrect that idea. Men and women need to introduce themselves to some old-fashioned values. Get to know the person first before you move to the next level. Ask some interesting questions about the individual and maybe the screening process for potential mates will go a lot smoother if you wean out the undesirables. I know we are in a different time and different mind set, but I think respect should never go out of style. Respect for each other. Respect for where the person is currently and where they come from. Respect for their individuality and uniqueness. Respect for their humanity.
That raises another question for me, can opposites really attract? Can two people that are polar opposites really coincide in harmony with one another? I am relying on some unscientific research as my inspiration for this article. It is purely from my friends and their relational mishaps as well as my own. The one thing that I think really needs to happen is that men and women need to get the understanding that one can’t really and truly exist without the other. It goes against the law of nature. Now don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying that either will die without the other, but what I am saying is that woman was created to enhance the life of man. She was created so that the man wouldn’t be alone relationally. She is the missing link in the puzzle of his life. If this is the case, why aren’t men and women getting along? I will tell you why. They have both lost focus on the richness that the other adds to their life. When men and women are in loving and committed relationships then order has been restored to their lives. When they aren’t walking in harmony with one another they aren’t living their best life.
They aren’t living on the level they should be. Their greatness is untapped. Their contribution to the world is not fulfilled. They hold the key to something far greater than they even realize. Love is a force to be reckoned with. I have had my share of experiences with love. It wasn’t until I truly lost myself for the man that I loved that I believe I really experienced true love. He showed me a side of me that I never knew existed. I lost me for him, but I gained a new me. A better me, a me that I am proud to say that I met. I believe that even though the relationship didn’t last, I will forever be a part of him and he is a part of me. The essence of who I truly am came alive in that relationship. The inner child in me was awakened from her deep slumber. The love I shared with him invigorated me. It was truly an exhilarating time in my life.
I know you are now thinking if things were so wonderful why didn’t it last? Well, all I can say is that on the surface things were wonderful, but I found out later this individual had some deep seeded personal issues that he wouldn’t allow me to help him work through. I feel like love can truly conquer all. I am what you call a hopeful romantic, not hopeless. To be hopeless is to feel that what you desire will never happen or to lose the expectation that it can. I believe that there is a man that will be well deserving of the love that I have to offer and vice versa. I still have hope for the salvation of the relationships between men and women. Despite what a male friend of mine seems to think the ratio of women to men is. I think we need to just get back to the basics men being men and women being women. I mean would a little chivalry and femininity kill any of us? I think not.
I think men like to feel needed, appreciated, admired, and adored. I think women like to take a step back and just be dainty and pretty sometime. The demands of life have weathered a lot of us women. We have to bring home the bacon and cook it too, so sometime the men in our direct realm of influence suffer because they feel like we don’t need them. Trust me when I tell you even the most powerful of women like to feel the masculinity of a man. If it is just the bass in his voice or the strength in his hug it is all desired. Women, men may not ever want to admit this, but they too have a secret longing for you no matter how powerful they seem. The smell of your perfume, the sound of your laughter, the way your hair blows in the wind, they way your dress conforms to your shape these are all things that men sit and talk about when we aren’t around. They talk about other things too like how your legs look in heels or how soft your skin looks, you know normal guy stuff.
I think my deductive reasoning has led me to this conclusion don’t forget what attracted you to the person in the beginning and don’t forget the positive attributes that they possess. I recall a scene in a movie that I saw where the women were despondent about their husbands and their friend advised them to compile a list of all the good and bad qualities of their husbands and if the bad outweigh the good then leave, but if not work it out. That is my advice for men and women. Work it out. Stop leaving at the slightest sign of trouble. It is the testing of the relationship that determines the strength that it has. Now if you don’t have the proper foundation to start it will crumble and no amount of effort will salvage a poorly constructed relationship.
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